Dating Etiquette?
Recently, a loyal reader emailed me for some tips on dating. The question proposed; “What is proper date etiquette?” Usually, when we’re dealing with life issues, I am quick to reply, but I must admit, this one stumped me. Dating etiquette? Meaning what was “right” and what was “wrong” on a first date? Eeshk. I wasn’t even aware people still went on dates these days. Seems like everyone around me is exploring online dating, with the hopes to cut out the awkwardness of a “first date.” Well that is not completely true. I guess it is inevitable, especially for those of us living in the land of singleton. We are well aware that no matter how well you do or don’t know someone, when you finally decide to “go out” together for the first time, it does become a date. And it can be nerve racking.
I realized, this was a very valid question - one that could be useful for any individual seeking dating clarity. (Seriously, who hasn’t been in the uncomfortable situation of wondering who was going to pay for dinner?!) After doing some research and combining it with personal experience, I have compiled a little list of useful guidelines:
Always go prepared-meaning don’t assume anything (like he or she is going to pay your way!) Have money on you to avoid awkward “paying” moments. When you have cash on you, you are in control of yourself and the situation and can therefore choose what kinds of activities you want to indulge in. A general rule of thumb, is if the person has invited you , they will most likely pay for the invitation (dinner, movie, etc.). If you want to contribute, offer to pay for coffee or dessert afterwards. This can be a tricky subject. I interviewed some eligible men who felt confused with who pays. They said they often want to pay, but don’t want to offend the independent woman. My thoughts-hey if you want to pay, then offer just let the other person pay for something.
Always make sure you are comfortable. Yes we all want to look sexy for a date, but be sensible in what you choose to wear. Layered clothing is always a good idea, especially if you don’t know how the date will evolve. For example, if you end up walking after dinner, or sitting in a lounge for hours on end, it’s nice to have the option of adjusting your outfit to the various temperatures. Dating can be stressful-simple things like clothing can calm angst and help you relax. There are better things to focus on (like if your date is interesting of not!) than if you have sweat pouring down your back.
Always have options. What if the original plan doesn’t work out? The last thing you want to encounter on a first date is the “I don’t know” stare. You know, when two people look at each other wondering what to say or do when plans fail. Be innovative and enter your date with alternative ideas for the two of you to do.
Always have an out. In an ideal world, we meet our soul mate on a first date – what’s that called? Love at first sight? Yeah, well, for those who haven’t had the pleasure- sometimes dates are just flat out bad. And you want to leave them. Prior to your meeting, explain that you have a commitment later in the night. This gives you the choice as to when and how you want to leave.
Always go with the flow! It’s great to be prepared, and it’s handy to have a plan, but dating is mostly about experiencing. If you get too caught up in “what the date means” (ie. attaching too much meaning) you may miss out on the actual person. Have fun, laugh, enjoy. Leave relationship baggage at home. Most of all follow your gut. If you want more time with them, take more time. And, if you want to get the heck out…then by all means…run!
P.S. Don’t pick up your next date when you are still one with someone else. This isn’t a rule in etiquette it’s just plain curtsey! And a true story! Thanks to my hiking buddy for sharing that one with me.
ã Desiree Daniel May 19, 2005
I realized, this was a very valid question - one that could be useful for any individual seeking dating clarity. (Seriously, who hasn’t been in the uncomfortable situation of wondering who was going to pay for dinner?!) After doing some research and combining it with personal experience, I have compiled a little list of useful guidelines:
Always go prepared-meaning don’t assume anything (like he or she is going to pay your way!) Have money on you to avoid awkward “paying” moments. When you have cash on you, you are in control of yourself and the situation and can therefore choose what kinds of activities you want to indulge in. A general rule of thumb, is if the person has invited you , they will most likely pay for the invitation (dinner, movie, etc.). If you want to contribute, offer to pay for coffee or dessert afterwards. This can be a tricky subject. I interviewed some eligible men who felt confused with who pays. They said they often want to pay, but don’t want to offend the independent woman. My thoughts-hey if you want to pay, then offer just let the other person pay for something.
Always make sure you are comfortable. Yes we all want to look sexy for a date, but be sensible in what you choose to wear. Layered clothing is always a good idea, especially if you don’t know how the date will evolve. For example, if you end up walking after dinner, or sitting in a lounge for hours on end, it’s nice to have the option of adjusting your outfit to the various temperatures. Dating can be stressful-simple things like clothing can calm angst and help you relax. There are better things to focus on (like if your date is interesting of not!) than if you have sweat pouring down your back.
Always have options. What if the original plan doesn’t work out? The last thing you want to encounter on a first date is the “I don’t know” stare. You know, when two people look at each other wondering what to say or do when plans fail. Be innovative and enter your date with alternative ideas for the two of you to do.
Always have an out. In an ideal world, we meet our soul mate on a first date – what’s that called? Love at first sight? Yeah, well, for those who haven’t had the pleasure- sometimes dates are just flat out bad. And you want to leave them. Prior to your meeting, explain that you have a commitment later in the night. This gives you the choice as to when and how you want to leave.
Always go with the flow! It’s great to be prepared, and it’s handy to have a plan, but dating is mostly about experiencing. If you get too caught up in “what the date means” (ie. attaching too much meaning) you may miss out on the actual person. Have fun, laugh, enjoy. Leave relationship baggage at home. Most of all follow your gut. If you want more time with them, take more time. And, if you want to get the heck out…then by all means…run!
P.S. Don’t pick up your next date when you are still one with someone else. This isn’t a rule in etiquette it’s just plain curtsey! And a true story! Thanks to my hiking buddy for sharing that one with me.
ã Desiree Daniel May 19, 2005
posted by Desiree Daniel @ 3:46 PM
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