Ten Years?!!!
Morning coffee. Morning paper. Morning headline. The Grads of 2005. I suppose it was prom night; glorious gowns and tuxedos decorated the front page of my newspaper. Nostalgia broke open a smile. I thought back to my final days of high school, the countdown to “freedom”, when the ol’ gang geared up for graduation. We thought we were so cool. Although, looking back now…Helena resembled Judy Jetson, Lindsay’s hair took her 5’4 frame to a good 5’7 and my dress could have been, at least an inch longer (dam, I was hoping to skip the “what was I thinking” phase).
Floating on the left over high of high school, my mind returned to life at 17. A time when the immediate mandate was - to figure out who I wanted to be, when I grew up. (Shoot, still working on that one). I was ecstatic at the idea of going to the bathroom with out having to ask permission (no more putting your hand up!). I’d gain the power of creating a schedule that suited me…not the school system. There would be new people to look at everyday, not to mention, an entire world of untouched experience – just waiting for discovery. The most difficult decision I had to face was what to do after summer vacation. And minimum wage was darn good money. Too young to know any differently, too naïve to care.
My blinking computer disrupted me; an email just begging for attention. Apparently my good friend “classmates” was inviting me to the “Class of 95” reunion. Ok, wait a second. I scrolled up and down the page, trying desperately to absorb the cold truth starting in my eyes. Ten years?!! It had been ten years since I graduated? Wait a second, the memory didn’t seem that long ago. In fact, I think the dress I wore to prom is still hanging in my closet. Ten years?! Seriously? Where did an entire decade of life go?
Suddenly the cozy thoughts of my wonder years, turned into an uncomfortable angst. It really didn’t feel like I was given enough time to go back and share my creations yet. (And in all honesty, if you go to the local bar in my hometown it’s the same as a ten-year reunion because almost everyone still lives there.). I looked around and wondered if the life I had created meant anything. Was I reunion worthy? Had I reached the goals I so blindly made as a teen? Was I proud of myself? If I was going to return, I had to be “good enough” to represent me.
Which is when I realized; the judgments on my reunion were actually a judgment on me. The pressure I put on time, and where I “should” be. It was ruining the whole essence of uniting with the life I lived ten years ago. Instead of asking where I wasn’t I decided to look at where I was. I figure an amazing accomplishment to return with, is to be at peace with my life. Either that, or to fit into that old prom dress.
© Desiree Daniel June 9, 2005
Floating on the left over high of high school, my mind returned to life at 17. A time when the immediate mandate was - to figure out who I wanted to be, when I grew up. (Shoot, still working on that one). I was ecstatic at the idea of going to the bathroom with out having to ask permission (no more putting your hand up!). I’d gain the power of creating a schedule that suited me…not the school system. There would be new people to look at everyday, not to mention, an entire world of untouched experience – just waiting for discovery. The most difficult decision I had to face was what to do after summer vacation. And minimum wage was darn good money. Too young to know any differently, too naïve to care.
My blinking computer disrupted me; an email just begging for attention. Apparently my good friend “classmates” was inviting me to the “Class of 95” reunion. Ok, wait a second. I scrolled up and down the page, trying desperately to absorb the cold truth starting in my eyes. Ten years?!! It had been ten years since I graduated? Wait a second, the memory didn’t seem that long ago. In fact, I think the dress I wore to prom is still hanging in my closet. Ten years?! Seriously? Where did an entire decade of life go?
Suddenly the cozy thoughts of my wonder years, turned into an uncomfortable angst. It really didn’t feel like I was given enough time to go back and share my creations yet. (And in all honesty, if you go to the local bar in my hometown it’s the same as a ten-year reunion because almost everyone still lives there.). I looked around and wondered if the life I had created meant anything. Was I reunion worthy? Had I reached the goals I so blindly made as a teen? Was I proud of myself? If I was going to return, I had to be “good enough” to represent me.
Which is when I realized; the judgments on my reunion were actually a judgment on me. The pressure I put on time, and where I “should” be. It was ruining the whole essence of uniting with the life I lived ten years ago. Instead of asking where I wasn’t I decided to look at where I was. I figure an amazing accomplishment to return with, is to be at peace with my life. Either that, or to fit into that old prom dress.
© Desiree Daniel June 9, 2005
posted by Desiree Daniel @ 9:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home