Singleton

As one of the many neighbors in singlehood – I want to make sense of the land I live in. Watch, ask, listen…to the other singletons, just to ensure I am doing things right. But sometimes I get stuck. Single life. Please help me understand the rules to this secret society. For instance, is there such thing as “the one”?

The romantic side says – absolutely! How could there not be? Hollywood wouldn’t lie! From Jerry (you complete me) Maguire, to When Harry (guys and girls can’t be friends) Met Sally – we were raised to believe that every soul has a mate. And when you make the match you’ll know. How will you know? Well, when Faith Hill met husband Tim McGraw she said, “it felt like home” – a comfort that just fit; Cinderella to a glass slipper.

The idealist side says – absolutely not! (And stop comparing love to Hollywood). It’s about the moment. No longer is there a Mr. And Mrs. Right; it’s about Mr. And Mrs. Right Now. For if you believe in love at first sight, you will never stop looking. A mentor once shared that the idea of only one person for your lifetime, is a false hope. Even if you marry – there will be many people to love in different ways. It’s about trusting the moment and that where you are now is where you are meant to be.

Personally, each side offers an attractive argument. Which is where the confusion sets in. A debate with no real winner. Do you hold out for the one? Create a list of standards and wait (patiently) for the moment it all comes together with the right person. Or, do you go with the moment and explore the now? As a friend so delicately symbolized “you gotta kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince.” (And apparently it’s ok if some toads were only meant for kissing).

See, the irony in being a single is that we are usually on the lookout for a double. A person to fulfill a lifetime peace, or a piece of a lifetime; it’s nice to share time with another human being. So goes the search for “the one”. Does the one really exist? I believe it does, if you let it. Whether a romantic or an idealist – “the one” represents what matters to you. An intrigue that keeps you interested. Sometimes the one- the intrigue- can last an entire life span, other times it only lasts a coffee. Your power is in knowing when you want it, when you have it, and when you no longer need it. (As an aside for all the other singletons out there…I’ve decided the only true rule in being single is that you get to make it up as you go along, since…the essence of being single (one) it’s really all about you).
“The less you fall for the person everyone knows, and find the person no one knows, the more connected you become.”