Building a Bridge on Trust

In Indiana Jones, The Last Crusade there is a defining scene where Indie has to make a choice of “staying” or “leaving” his ground. In order to complete his mission, he needs to cross an endless crevasse, however there is no bridge to lead him. He stands at point A, looking onward to point B- knowing that is where he wants to land-he is forced to ask, “Where do I go, when there is no bridge to cross?”

During morning lattes with a good friend, we were talking about the choices we make in life. You know you want more, you know you have more to contribute, but sometimes the route is unknown and it can be frustrating. Especially when you come to a point, where you can no longer stand where you are. But there is no bridge built to cross you to the other side. Where do these indefinite paths take us? See, it’s amazing to dream, and it’s inspiring to create visions; the hard part is in trusting that they will become a reality.

This is where my friend stands now; a crossing point, and wanting more. I asked him, what does it all means to you? Like a soundtrack in a movie, Cold Play began playing in the background…(it was the perfect song, signifying the moment, you just can’t plan those things if you tried), he paused for a moment to allow Chris Martin to penetrate the air, and in a dry, confident reply, “I don’t care about the big house, but I love the view. I don’t care about the sports car, but I love the feeling. Desiree, it’s the experience.”

He can see the bridge to his next destination; he just hasn’t built it yet. And in the silence that followed, I wanted to say, something profound. I wanted to scream, “Indie just needed to take a step to find his bridge!” Instead, I listened. And I thought. I thought about great people and stories of success. Truly inspiring people, find their strength, and clarity during the moments of in-between; the limbo land of the unknown. I don’t think there is one story of greatness, that didn’t question the “how to’s” of faith and realized it was the experience that gave wisdom. I also thought about how different life looks from one day to the next; we’d look at this in a year from now, as the “remember when we used to wonder what was next, and look at us now” conversation.

When I got home, I felt very compelled to read over an old horoscope. I had kept it on file to remind me of the leap I took when I decided to move to Kelowna cold turkey. The idea was scary, but the passage read “sometimes you need to jump first, and grow your wings in the air.” Indie jumped, he leapt, and trusted that the bridge would unfold. It did. I jumped; I dove into the possibility of what Kelowna would teach me in the pursuit of my vision. Now, my wings are only budding, but I know I have them, I learned that by taking a risk and going for it. When the timing is right, we all discover that the bridge, the wings…are there; we just need to trust the right opportunity, to finally use them.

©Desiree Daniel February 25, 2005
EventLife! Publication March 4, 2005 www.eventpub.com

Spaghetti and Waffles; an Interesting Metaphor for the Mind

I once heard a quote explaining the difference between the minds of men and women. It said “women’s brains are like spaghetti; intertwined thoughts that all connect together. While men’s brains are like waffles; individual boxes that focus on one thought at a time”. Besides it being somewhat of a kindergarten approach to mental matter, (quite the picture painted isn’t it?) I found this to be an interesting metaphor. I gravitated towards the analysis for women, since I just happen to be one, and I wondered, how these multiple, ongoing, thoughts actually benefit us.

Ironically, when I turned on the TV later that day, the movie “What Women Want” was on TBS. For those who haven’t seen it, it’s a romance flick, which portrays a man, who, by a random act of the universe, is able to hear the inner thoughts of women. I wasn’t paying close attention, but one scene stood out over the rest; Mel Gibson circling Central Park, completely disoriented by the stream of dialogue, exuding from the minds of women. A constant flow of chatter, silent on the outside, noisy on the inside; “Did I turn the coffee pot off, I am sure I did. Or maybe I only think I did.” “One piece of toast equals one hundred calories, plus an apple equals forty calories that is one hundred and forty in total.” “I hope I don’t look nervous in my presentation today.” And, when he’d approach the women to discuss what he had heard, they would smile as if nothing else was going on. The movie, although meant as a lightheartedly comedy, seems to show that there is so much said, in the unsaid.

How many of us women are weighed down by the constant talking in our minds each day? And many of us don’t really share it with anyone else but ourselves. Can you relate to this? (Please, don’t get me wrong, I know men have stresses and pressures too, but I won’t even attempt to act like I understand what goes on in a man’s head). The next morning, I brought my questions to the gym with me, and decided to “notice what I notice.” There we were, 6 women in a row, ranging in age from 20-60, with nothing else in common but treadmills, walkmans, and “spaghetti” thoughts. We were each running at our individual pace, yet not really going anywhere (it’s treadmill after all). Besides the distant murmur of music, and the sound of our steps landing on the rotating belt, it was pretty quite. Sure, none of us were talking out in the open, but what conversations were going on in our heads?

We were all reunited in front of the mirrors in the change room. And, as we each prepped ourselves for work; putting on makeup, styling our hair…we stood in total silence. Yet, in the twenty minutes it took me to get ready, I was able to cover a range of topics, just with myself; “I think I should take Bernard to work, what do I want for breakfast, a muffin? But if I have a muffin then I shouldn’t eat out for lunch, maybe I’ll have yogurt. Darn, I need to get groceries, oh, shoot, I need to get a birthday present for Megan. Don’t forget that! Write it down! Oh I need to finish my query letter, I have so much writing to do. And, email Megan when I get to work. Work today. Make sure I make my calls first, call mom, I hope I can get down to the coast to visit, I haven’t been there since January, January seems so far away, man the year goes fast, what is going to happen this year, where will I be in a year from now…hey, I really like those shoes that woman is wearing!”

I left the gym, laughing. Isn’t it ironic, how the outside world only sees a fraction of what is really going on? If I as able to sort through that many things on my own, one can only imagine the amount of energy women concentrate on multi tasking each day. Would we be any better off if we narrowed in our focus? You know, Jump into a waffle box and really narrowed in on one particular thought? Maybe. But then, again, I kind of like the fact that no matter where I am or what I am thinking about…I’ll always be able to notice a cool pair of shoes.


© Desiree Daniel February 18, 2005
EventLife! Publication February 25, 2005 www.eventpub.com

Send and Receive...my procrastinator

Last weekend, during a routine day of writing, I realized something about myself. I have an addiction…it’s called email. It came to my attention while on line; a friend asked me rather bluntly…”how do you get any work done during the day?” Meant as a funny, his sarcastic tone was in reference to my quick and speedy response to each and every email I received. But, still, it provoked a thought inside of me. Since email was introduced to society, almost a decade ago, it has made the world smaller, people closer, and work faster. Even now as I reflect on the phenomenon of this “new” communication, and it’s influence on our culture, I also notice the chapter that I still have not finished writing. It makes me wonder, has email inadvertently slowed things down? Moreover, what aren’t we doing, while we are emailing?

For me, personally, it all comes down to the “Send and Receive” button. Pressing send and receive has become a natural instinct, an involuntary reflex; like breathing, or blinking. At any given moment, when there is a stall in my thought process, I do a quick click. And, when there is new mail to receive, it’s like the universe has sent me a reason to not finish the paragraph I was working on. Thank you!!! I think Microsoft should have been more realistic when designing outlook, and actually named it the “procrastination” button, or ”a reason to chat and not do what I need to” button.

Ironically, I lived without cable or Internet in my home for almost 9 months. I actually prided myself on the fact that I could find numerous other things to do with my time. Of course, when the cloud covered the Valley last fall, and the weather turned 27 below, I knew it was necessary to “get connected” since I had no intentions of spending much time outdoors. I don’t think I knew how literal “getting connected” meant, since, with options like msn messenger, I can’t seem to disconnect. It’s that little bloopy sound that hooks me, the one that notifies me every time, someone I know, gets on line. I figure, this is the closest thing to having them in the same room. So tell me, how do you ignore that? How do you focus on work, when the fact that your buddy, eagerly awaits a hello (especially when the blue bar at the bottom of your page keeps flashing “CONVERSATION”!)?

It’s a challenge. What could I be doing if I wasn’t on line? Even as I write this now, with my laptop on the floor of my living room, I feel the need to plug in and check to see if any messages await me. And that is the addiction because you never know what you are going to get. It’s a rush. The problem arises when the fun of emailing takes away from getting the job done. And I know I can’t be the only person who is finding it difficult to cut the ties with email. For example…the people who create email attachments like chain letters, quotes, questionnaires etc. Who are these people? What are they not doing in a day to come up with these things? I often wonder where they would be in the world, if they channeled this creative energy into something profound, versus “Pick The Dessert That Best Describes Your Personality”. However, their words have spread through outlooks all over the world, so obviously they are doing something right.

Even more intriguing is interoffice email. Rather than walking 2 feet to talk with a coworker, or actually pick up the telecom, we now send emails. “I’ll have that script for you in by lunch” (send/receive). It’s rather fascinating actually. We have allowed verbal communication to evolve into an electronic transmission. Granted, email keeps the people who I care about close to me. The fact that I have a sister, who lives on a tiny island in the Atlantic, doesn’t matter with email. I can talk to her daily. It also makes moving to a new town feel less far away. I guess that is my trade off; enjoy the brilliant invention of email, but beware that completing a future bestseller will just have to wait.

© Desiree Daniel February 13, 2005