The Life You Make

Monday, March 28, 2005

When Traditions Become Trendy

When I was living in Japan, there was a distinct dichotomy between the old and the young, tradition vs. modernization. I was aware of it, because it the country was so foreign to me. While the older era tried to preserve Japanese tradition, the younger ones headed to Starbucks, looking for a taste of western life in a take out cup.

Being Canadian, I grew up in an eclectic culture, where race and tradition depends on the family you were born into; the city you were raised in. Changes happen all the time and we’re constantly influenced by the melting pot of our society. Japanese people had a difficult time grasping the diversity of our country. Yet, with young high school girls forcing out the natural black of the hair, to become blondes, they had to accept the integration of other cultures into their own. But it wasn’t a smooth transition; they needed to understand how it worked. My students asked, how was it possible to be related to someone, who looks nothing like you? How could a mother be a red head, and you, a brunette? Not to mention eating habits. They were astonished to learn that although I was not Asian I ate tofu and knew how to use chopsticks. “Ahh so?!!”, they’d say in amazement, desperately trying to imagine how part of the their daily life had become a norm in the western world.

If only they knew. The other day, at Blenz Coffee House, I did a double take, at the newest drink sensation. In a funky font, lime green and white writing, a sign read “Whatcha Matcha”. To anyone who has never been to Japan, it probably sounds like nonsense lingo, but Matcha was very significant to me. It’s a Japanese tea made from the finest leaves on the first day of harvesting. Perhaps more importantly, it is the key ingredient in the traditional Japanese tea ceremony. There is a delicate process in preparing the tea, and Japanese women learn how to make it for special gatherings. I was fortunate to learn it from one of my older students. I learned it because the history of it was interesting to me. It was so different than my Eastern European background.

I chuckled. In Japan, mothers had to practically force their daughters to learn this tradition in hopes to keep the experience alive. Meanwhile, the Japanese girls (who were shortening their kimonos so that they became “mini skirts”) were more interested in ordering “Carmel Machiattos”.

I stood there, holding the Chai I had just ordered, looking at the “Whatcha Matcha” sign, listening to another person order a “London Fog”, and I thought. Here we were, surrounded by traditions of other cultures, hoping to make them our own. I sipped my spicy Chai, doubting that the first ancestors of India intended this tea to be trendy. But it is. I also thought about my students in Japan, the older ones who were so excited to have me as an audience as I was eager to learn about the Japanese culture. And my younger students, who were my audience, and eager to learn about the western culture. Ironically, if I were to go back to Japan today I’d have to tell them, well… there is this new, really, cool tea we drink called Matcha, ever heard of it?

© Desiree Daniel March 28, 2005

Friday, March 18, 2005

Finding Comfort in the Vision

Laura Thatcher Ulrich once suggested; “well behaved women rarely make history”. When I discovered this verbal treasure, the words practically jumped from the page of the glossy, directly into me. There are quotes that for whatever reason resonate and settle inside, fueling a new energy to live. This one did that for me. I read those words, and found a reason to be wild, and powerful. It became my personal mantra, the tagline for Desiree Daniel. The phrase soon decorated my wall, headlined my desk, and represented my website. When you hear something that makes you stop and pay attention, it’s a sign that there is a meaning there for you to explore.

The quote was my inspiration for originality to be my legend. I created a vision and the goals I wanted to accomplish. And although the ideas are still very prominent, something happened. I got comfortable. I forgot what the words represented a dream. The routine became more important than the creation. Knowing what came next devoured the mystery of the unknown. I didn’t really know that I was getting in a rut, because I was too busy not paying attention…not paying attention to the things that inspired me. Quiet. Cozy. Content. Even though there was much more I had to offer. Why is that we can be so passionate inside, but afraid to show it?

The universe truly responds when you ask it a direct question. The same day I recognized my situation, a friend shared her story. Finishing up her teaching degree, she expressed her crossroad;

“You know I’m kind of torn. I could go into teaching, have a secure job, and a life that is pretty much set up. But if you asked me what I really want to do…what I burn inside to do, it’s to be a publicist in marketing and advertising. I would love to do that! But you know, the reason I don’t is because it would be really, really hard.”

I smiled inside at the mirror in front of me. I understood what she meant, when you care so deeply about something, you feel it that much more. Stepping up and owing what you are want is scary. It means you really have to believe in who you are and what you have to offer. And as I responded to her, I found my own clarity. I figure, it’s harder to deny who you truly are then it is to achieve what you really want. I thought about myself, and living in comfort. Ironically, the agony of ignoring the real me, is not comfortable at all. I think my friend can foresee that for herself too.

When I got back to my desk, the quote stared at me. It looked bigger than before. Bolder. So did my vision. And I guess making history really isn’t that hard, I’ll just have to be comfortable with what it takes to do it.

©Desiree Daniel March 18, 2005

Friday, March 04, 2005

The Chemical Nature of Love; Do We Control Love or Does Love Control Us?

Inspired by the film What the Bleep do We Know, people are asking, do we control love or does love control us? It suggests that human nature is drawn to love, because of a biological and chemical response in our body, and one that we, don’t have any control over. (Great! So now we have an excuse for falling for the “wrong” person?) Well according to the research of Helen Fisher of the University of New Jersey, it’s not that simple, but there may be more to it than poor judgment. Believe me, I am by no means an expert in chemistry, and with a year of being single, I am wondering if I know anything about it at all! Not to mention, I tend to put most of my reasoning to the universe’s power, (it makes a bad date less traumatic). However, I was asked to research this topic, and so, I opened my mind to the possibility that, in all the ups and downs of love, it may all be a matter of…science.

I began looking into the phenomenon of the biochemical connection to love. In her book, Why We Love-The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, Fisher, explains that, those “crazy” feelings of love, the ones revealed when we are interested in someone; (stomach turning, palms sweating, hearting racing), are all based on different chemical releases in our body. The information is nothing new, but hopefully this little overview, gives an understanding about what is going on when we want to get it on. Think of it as Love Chemistry 101 - broken down into three stages:

Lust – is driven by the sex hormones testoertone and oestrogen which get us out, and looking for anything.
Attraction – is when people fall in love, it’s the I can’t eat, don’t need to sleep, would rather day dream stage. A group of neurotransmitters are involved here: Dopamine (also activated by cocaine and nicotine), Norepinephrine (also known as adrenalin…heart racing, sweating), and Serotonin (low levels of serotonin are also associated with anxiety and depression).
Attachment – is what takes over after the initial attraction dies down – and it tells us if a relationship is going to last. (Even though we long for those passionate feelings of attraction, it’s important to move to this stage of we’d never get anything done!) At this point, hormones released by the nervous system: Oxytocin (an aside-released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth, helps bond mother and child) but it is also released by both sexes during intamacy, which could promote bonding when adults are intimate, and Vasopressin important in the long term commitment stage.

Even more interesting is the possibility that love is addictive. Robert Palmer told us we’re addicted to love; I just didn’t know he was serious. Fisher says, that it is very possible for people to feel addicted to a person or a situation because those natural highs we feel are due to chemical responses. The ironic thing is, that in order to feel all those crazy, exciting “highs” of love, that we all long for, the flip is that we also feel the hurt and withdrawal of those feelings when…that situation or person is gone.

In love, I have felt the highs and I have defiantly felt the lows. I have felt the angst, as well as the butterflies. And sure, now, I can document the scientific reasons of these feelings. However, that is only one part of a whole. When I experience people, there are many components that are associated with their presence in my life. I like the fact that when I am in love, just hearing their name makes me smile – regardless of the chemical being released in my brain. There is something truly magical about that. Still, it’s great ammo to have in your back pocket, when you’re wondering why the heck you can’t seem to get over someone. I figure, I’ll just blame it on weird science.

©Desiree Daniel March 4, 2005EventLife! publication March 11, 2005 www.eventpub.com